Its difficult to decipher what is real and what is insecurity. Eye find myself having that gut feeling something ain’t right but then I question if its fear of the unknown so I react anxiously instead of acting with ease of what is known. I don’t really know you and you don’t really know me so if you drop off I’m still going to stand right here, strong.
I’m in the midst of this man with the most potential I’ve seen in a long while. After three years I’m ready. Eye am love. He is an emotionally intelligent, musically inclined, curious life learner and he seas me. Honestly I think it’s easy to see me because I’m transparent, sometimes to a fault. “I don’t know how to lie…” eye confess. “You have a kind heart” he smiled, “people have taken advantage of you.” He seas me.
Me: “I asked my tarot cards about you and it said in my future would lay deceit. Are you not single?” I anxiously blurted out.
Him: “no I’m not married.”
Me: “but are you single?”
Him: “yes…my brother is coming in tomorrow with his wife for his birthday. We have stuff to talk about so I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
Me: “you’re gonna tell me there’s stuff to talk about then hang up on me?”
Him: “yea I need to sleep.”
Is it the fearless act of transparency that scares men or the desperation to know the truth? I can’t take another lie. Well I can but every lie chips away the very thing you love about me.
The mercury retrograde in October 2014 really had me fucked up like I was ready to quit my job and hide in a corner of my room forever. But this mercury retrograde feels reflective and painless. I met someone, its hella new so I’m not gonna put all my eggs in one basket but, our conversations about music and poetry reminded me of a poem I wrote about my ex a long time ago and how much I used to write and how much I’ve been saying I want to write but just can’t seem to “find the time” to write. There are no excuses. There is always time if you make it a priority and I simply haven’t made it a priority. Before re-reading the poem I wrote, in my mind I thought this work of art was my great masterpiece. The one and only poem I’ve written and read in front of a crowd. At the time, after I had read it in front of an audience, I thought I didn’t need to write any more it was that powerful. Ha! What an arrogant fool I was. When I read it again for the first time in a few years I began to laugh. Don’t get me wrong its not bad but it made me see just how far I’ve come from that relationship and I realized I need to write new stories, new poetry, update my writing with me now because who else will tell my story. Mark my words: I am a writer and you are seeing more of my writing. Not just about traveling but also about everything I do and all of who I am.